i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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