Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
420 ftw
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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