I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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