I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize