Where is the hickey?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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