sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
