the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
