I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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