I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
