whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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