dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
