D3 body, D1 cock
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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