He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
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drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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