he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
