i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
