I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
