so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
