I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
