It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
