Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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