Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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