my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
