o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My vagina is officially offended.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
