As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
