Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
