dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
