I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
