a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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