ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
