i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
