Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i dont even know how to be here
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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