Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
