Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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