I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
