I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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