The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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