im six kinds of drunk right now
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Success! We fucked roommates!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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