Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
