how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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