You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
