he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
