I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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