The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
