I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
