She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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