There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
