the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I need a beard to bite.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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