idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i think my mom watched the whole time
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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