matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
