Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't deserve a penis
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
