Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
