he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
