just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
