oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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