Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
