mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
