Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
