he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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