yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
