I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
