I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
