I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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