there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
No subtext here. People are naked.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
