That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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