i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
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OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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