if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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