Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
