I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
