i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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