If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
