Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
