Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
