I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
