i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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